Seraph Chronicles

Life of a man

# Thought 1 #
When we are born, our mother’s get the compliments and the flowers. When we
are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity. When we die, our
widows get the life insurance. What do women want to be liberated from?

# Thought 2 #
The average man’s life consists of :
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going, Forty years of
having his wife ask the same question; and at the end, the mourners
wondering too.

# Thought 3 #
A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, “If you
take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.” The
man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was
astonished. He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road.
Once again the voice shouted, “Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step
a car will run over you, and you will die.” The man did as he was
instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing
him. The man asked. “Who are you?” “I am your guardian angel,” the voice
answered. “Oh, yeah?” the man asked “And where the hell were you when I got
married?”

# Thought 4 #
Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her
father escorted her down the aisle to give away to groom. They reached the
altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed some
thing in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the
father by bride. The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes
were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced “Ladies
and gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life.” Then he raises his
hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, “My daughter finally,
finally returned my credit card to me.” The whole audience including priest
started laughing but not the poor groom

Lily Allen

The unstoppable attacker

Just what is this guy made off? A stool to his head, a chair on his back, continuous whacking on his head with a mop stick and he’s not even dazed. Guess a kick to his groin won’t affect him either.

Traffic

Yesterday morning’s traffic was just terrible, and why? Because the roads were wet after the rain. I just don’t get it with local drivers, when the weather is fine, traffic is smooth, but when there’s a bit of rain, or as in yesterday’s case, there was no rain at all, just some wet roads, and everyone just starts to drive at snails pace, causing an uncalled for massive jam and making me late for work!

Come on people, it’s just a little wet road, it doesn’t mean you’d skid off the road by driving at normal speeds, causing such a jam would make impatient drivers to rush in line and further risk you, YES YOU who would drive like a snail when there’s a bit of water on the road to be involved in an accident!

Now if it’s a downpour or there’s rain I can understand you people for slowing down, but there was no rain yesterday morning! Sheesh.

INTERVIEW REJECTS

Story I
E: Do u have a boyfriend?
C: I have.
E: Is he working Locally?
C: No. He is working Overseas.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u!
C: Why?
E: U will not be able to settle down here permanently. And my Company don’t want to pay extra expenses on the Overseas calls just because of u.

Story II
E: Any girl friends?
C: No!
E: So far chased any before?
C: Have, but not successful.
E: Ever think of getting a job first then start looking for a girlfriend?
C: Career is first priority. Currently didn’t want to consider This personal issue.
! E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u.
C: Why?
E: You are lacking of P.R skills and confidence!!

Story III
E: Any girlfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is she pretty?
C: Not quite.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ you.
C: Why? Will this affect your company’s reputation?
E: No, it does not affect the company’s reputation but because My company is dealing with arts, our company requested an artist.

Story IV
E: Any girlfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is she pretty?
C: Yes.
E: Is she your first lover?
C: Yes.
E: Sorry, we can’t employ you because you lack of fighting spirit.

Story V
E: Any girlfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is she your first lover?
C: No. Have a few already.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ you because you are a “grasshopper”! (Job hopper lah!)

Story VI
E: Any boyfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is he rich?
C: No.
E: Then sorry, my company cannot employ you because our Company is dealing with money and you will seduce.

Story VII
E: Any boyfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is he rich ?
C: Yes, very rich.He owns a company.
E: Sorry, we cannot employ you because your boyfriend don’t Even want to employ you, neither do we!
C: But,…… there is no position in his company.
E: Then,….. what is your qualification?
C: Secretary!
E: Sorry, we still cannot employ you because your prettiness Will affect our managers’ working spirits.
C: But,…… I am not pretty at all.
E: It is even worse because my managers will not be interested In you!!