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Marriage proposal

January 31st, 2007 | No Comments | Posted in Just for Laughs

Proposal:AJ

Madam:
I am an olden young uncle living only with myself. Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely.

I am a soiled son. I am nice and big, six foot tall and six inches long.
My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also.
Especially I like cricket and I am a good batter and I am fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my rapid balls that bounce a lot.

I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am jolly. I am gay.
Especially ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. I am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get on top.
That is how nice I am. I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else.

Every morning I am going to the gym and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want, you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the gym.

I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only. What to do? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday. That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and take my things into your hand.

If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day. In fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the gym. If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come. So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet and looking up with lots of hope.

I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.
Expecting soon,

Yours and only yours
AJ

Lawak

January 31st, 2007 | No Comments | Posted in Just for Laughs

Citer 1
Suami : Kenapa Sayang menangis?
Isteri : Saya telah baca sebuah buku. Sad endinglah bang..
Suami : Buku apa?
Isteri : Buku bank abanglah..

Citer 2
Aderla sorang lelaki datang ke sebuah rumah untuk meminta derma. Derma untuk rumah orang-orang tua. seorang budak pun membuka pintu.
budak : derma ape bang?
lelaki : derma untuk rumah orang-orang tua. adik ada apa-apa untuk didermakan?
budak : nanti jap.saya ambilkan atuk saya.
lelaki : ?????

Citer 3
Tunang Farid, Siti, menelefonnya untuk memutuskan pertunangan mereka.
Farid : Mengapa?
Siti : Saya dah bosan ngan awak. saya dah ada teman baru. Sebelum tu awak mesti kembalikan semua gambar saya.
Farid : Ok. Tapi saya tak ingatlah yang mana satu gambar awak, Nanti awak pilihlah sendiri. Yang selebihnya kembalikan kepada saya.
Siti : Erkkkkkk…….. Benci ………

Citer 4
3 org menaiki motor dan ditahan polis trafik. Namun pemandu motor tersebut tidak berhenti. Katanya, ‘Tak Muat Dah Tok, Kami dah bertiga!!!’

Citer 5
Citer ni member aku yg beritau. Sampai nak pecah perut dibuatnya. It happen at Jalan Loke Yew. Satu malam tu kawan pompuan ni la, dia baru
jer balik dari party, tak tahu how many glasses dia minum ler tapi memang dia betul-betul mabuk. So masa on the way home she got
blocked from the police officer and asked for her driving license and so on but unfortunately at the same time tu, there was an accident happen a cross the road. Quite major jugaklah accident and the policeman leave her and rushed to the accident scene. So this stupid girl dah gabra tak tahu nak buat camne,
she just ran off back to her car and head straight back home in Klang. So the next morning polis datang ketuk pintu rumah dia dan polis tu
tanya dia, “AWAK PEGI MANA MALAM SEMALAM?”
Pompuan ni pulak jawab, “TAK KEMANA ENCIK. SAYA KAT RUMAH JER.
” So polis tu tanya lagi, “BETUL KER???”
Pompuan tu jawab, “BETUL ENCIK. SUMPAH SAYA TAK GI MANA2, TANYA LER NGAN HOUSEMATE SAYA.”
So polis tu kata, “YE KER? (sambil tergelak) MARI SINI, KELUAR JAP”
Lepas tu polis tu tunjuk, “HA!!! ITU KETA SAPA TU??”

Pompuan tu macam nak pengsan sebab dia dah terbawak keta polis yg malam tadi balik rumah, dia ingat keta dia sebab kaler sama warna
putih (wira) cuma keta dia takde sticker polis kat tepi pintu jer. Tak pasal2 kena saman RM1000 dan gantung lesen 1 tahun.

Citer 6
Seorang Tok Batin baru membeli motorsikal Honda dan kebetulan pada jalan pulang terserempak dengan kawanya yang ingin menumpang, lalu
ditumpangkan kawanya itu. Dalam perjalanan kawannya merasakan Tok Batin hanya mengunakan gear 1 sahaja lalu bertanyalah kawanya itu,
Kawan Tok Batin : Kenapak kamu hanya pakai gear 1 sahaja.
Tok Batin : Kalau rosak 1 gear ada 2 lagi gear.
Kawan Tok Batin : ????????

Citer 7
Seorang posmen yang datang menghantar surat.
” Assalamualaikum ”
” Walaikumsalam ”
” Ni rumah encik Sameon ye?
” Ya saya”
” Poning kepala saya mencari alamat rumah encik ni ”
” Buat susah aje encik nie! Apsal tak pos aje?”

Citer 8
Orang Asli Dan Polis
orang asli : selamat pagi tuan
polis : selamat pagi
polis : apa hal
orang asli : saya nak buat repot tuan
polis : fasal apa tu
orang asli : kawan saya di baham harimau
polis : pukul berapa
orang asli : dia tak pukul, terkam
polis : habis?
orang asli : tak habis, tinggal kepala

Citer 9
Seorang lelaki pergi ke klinik mata. Setelah matanya diperiksa, dia bertanya: ” Doktor, lepas pakai cermin mata nanti, boleh ke saya
membaca macam orang lain?” “Dah tentu, ” jawab doktor. “Oh, gembiranya. Dah lama saya buta huruf, akhirnya boleh juga saya membaca,” kata
lelaki itu dengan riang.

Citer 10
Sebaik sahaja mengambil tempat duduk di ruang menunggu sebuah klinik, Shan terpandang Amin sedang menangis teresak-esak. Dia segera mendekati
Amin. : Shan Kenapa menangis?
Amin : Saya datang untuk ujian darah.
Shan : Awak takut ke?
Amin : Bukan itu sebabnya. Semasa ujian darah dijalankan, mereka telah terpotong jari saya.
(Mendengarkan penjelasan Amin, Shan menangis.)
Amin : Eh, kenapa pula awak menangis?
Shan : Saya datang untuk ujian air kencing…

Citer 11
Seorang atok membawa cucunya ke pejabat pos untuk menghantar surat. Cucunya bertanya bila melihat atoknya memasukkan surat ke dalam tong
berwarna merah.
“Atok buat apa tu?”.
“Atok bagi surat kat kawan atok, cu!” jawap atoknya.
Cucunya bertanya lagi, “Apa bangang sangat kawan atok duduk dalam tong merah tu?”

Citer 12
Seorang pegawai polis masuk ke bilik mayat sebuah hospital untuk menyiasat punca kematian tiga lelaki sekaligus.
Selepas memeriksa mayat-mayat itu, dia bertanya kepada penjaga bilik berkenaan.
Polis : Mengapa ketiga-tiga mayat tersenyum?
Penjaga : Lelaki pertama sedang bersanding, apabila tiba2 diserang strok. Lelaki kedua pula khabarnya menang loteri dan mati serangan sakit jantung manakala yg ketiga disambar petir.
Polis : Hah! Kenapa disambar petir pun tersenyum?
Penjaga : Masa tu dia ingat orang sedang ambil gambarnya…

Have fun!

January 31st, 2007 | No Comments | Posted in Just for Laughs

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says “If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends”.
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus,” send me a brother”
Santa wrote back,” SEND ME YOUR MOTHER”
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Husband asks , “Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
Without Information Fighting Everytime”
Wife replies,” No, It means , “With Idiot For Ever !!!”
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Three Feelings:
What’s the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic is when both are pregnant.
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Teacher: U know the importance of period?
Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps in the U.S?
B’coz people started licking the wrong side.
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs??
No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints.
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.
1st: How urs look like?
2nd: She is 5″7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. Wat abt urs?
1st: Forget mine. Lets find urs!!
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential
Dad says: “You are my son, i’m confident. Your friend is also my son, now that’s confidential!
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex.
Daughter (Excitingly) : Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.
Mother Faints.

EMPLOYEE’S PROVIDENT FUND (EPF)

January 31st, 2007 | No Comments | Posted in Chronicles

This is an important reminder on EPF beneficiaries. Kindly forward to your
friends especially the Non-Bumi. Make sure they do the necessary to name
their beneficiaries. Be a help and pass this info to all your friends. It
pays not to be ignorant. Please read on and do take the appropriate action
of naming your EPF beneficiaries or updating your
nomination :

1) Scenario, Imagine this :
A EPF contributor with a non-working wife and 3 school-going children.
He died unexpectedly of a heart attack. He has been contributing to the EPF
since he started work as an engineer about 25 years ago and have a sizeable
amount of savings. However, the widow approaches the EPF for the savings
she is informed that he had named his 1st girlfriend as the beneficiary
and never got to updating his nomination. Therefore, the widow is not
entitled to a cent of the money even you have a will .

(In case of Muslims, there is still recourse under the Syariah Laws)

For Non-Muslims, however, there is real concern that your life-long savings
may not reach
your dependants.) The above scenario may seem unlikely to you but such
cases are very common.

2) Findings of the EPF.
Many EPF contributors either do not name any beneficiary or else fail to
update their nomination as conditions warrant. As it stands, about 76% of
EPF’s 8.51 million members have not made any nomination. And out of the
24% who have, many have not updated their nomination. All your savings and
the dividends accumulated over the years may not go to those who need it
the most if you do not name a beneficiary or do not update your nomination.

What happens if :-
a) Failure to make a nomination.
If a EPF member has not made any nomination, his savings will be
distributed in accordance to the law.

Letters of Administration (LA)
In general, when no nominee is named, the member’s family will have to
produce what is known as LA and submit this to the EPF in order to withdraw
the savings. (The LA authorises the person appointed to act as
administrator of the estate of the deceased member. This involves employing
the services of a lawyer who will make the relevant
petitions to court to get the LA. The whole process takes 8 to 12 months,
or longer if
more than one person decides to obtain the LA).

Grant of Probate (Probate)
If the member had made a will, the member’s family will have to produce
what is known as Probate and submit this to the EPF. (The Probate is an
authorisation by the court to the executor named in the will to administer
the distribution of the estate of the deceased member).

a) Distribution Order
If the money in question does not exceed RM 600,000 (and there is no land
involved), the family of the deceased can then approach the Public Trustee
(Amanah Raya)! to obtain a Distribution Order.

b) Consequence of failing to update nomination
If the member does not update his nomination, whoever the EPF contributor
has named as his or the beneficiary in the Form KWSP 4 (AHL) will receive
the member’s entire savings. Therefore, the spouse and family of the
deceased will receive nothing if the contributor has named someone else,
his friend, as his EPF beneficiary. This friend will inherit his savings
even if the contributor had named his spouse and children as beneficiaries
to his property, including his EPF savings, in a will is made after the EPF
nomination.

c) Muslim contributors,
They are governed by the inheritance regulations under the Syariah Laws.
The term “beneficiary” does not apply to the person nominated by a muslim.
The nominee in effect only acts as an executor(wasi) of the contributor’s
savings. Upon the contributor ’s death, this executor has a duty to
distribute the deceased’s property in accordance with Faraid (inheritance)
Laws.

3. How does one make a nomination or update a previous one ?
You can do it by completing the Form KWSP 4 (AHL) which can be obtained at
the EPF offices. You have to fill in a new KWSP 4 with the name of the
person you now want to inherit your EPF savings. The new form will
automatically cancel your previous nomination…… The advantages of
naming a beneficiary and keeping this nomination updated are enormous.
It not only ensure that your savings will goto those who need it most, but
also guarantees speedy payment to your loved ones in such a time of need.
If all the documents are in order, your nominee will get your EPF savings
in about a month.

4. Locations of EPF Offices
* Menara Komtar, Paras 47, Penang
* Wisma KUWASA, Ground Floor, Jalan Raja Laut, Kuala Lumpur.
* Bangunan Yayasan Selangor, near AMCOP Mall, Petaling Jaya
* Wisma Peransang, Shah Alam, Selangor Darul Ehsan.
* Wisma Emerald, Jalan Meru, Klang, Selangor Darul Ehsan.
* Bangunan EPF, Johor Bharu (center of the city, opposite Wisma
Imigresen)

M2M - Pretty Boy(国语)

January 30th, 2007 | 5 Comments | Posted in Chinese Songs

歌曲:Pretty Boy(国语)
歌手:m2m

偷偷看你的脸心情变成晴天
我向窗外默默想念希望你能听得见
你的好你的坏
全部都想爱
你明不明白说不出来
心中对你的依赖
oh my pretty pretty boy i love you
因为窈窕美眉不会假装爱
pretty pretty boy of mine
对你说声嗨!
对你说声嗨!(对你说声嗨!)
oh my pretty pretty boy i need you
oh!my窈窕美眉只想爱
说你不走要你别走
请留下来

看别人手牵手我越看越寂寞
我想要你说只对我说
说你心中只有我
你明明很爱我
明明不想要走
为什么不敢付出太多
是不是怕真爱上我

oh!pretty boy pretty boy pretty boy
说你也爱我

Tags:

林俊杰 - 只对你说

January 30th, 2007 | 1 Comment | Posted in Chinese Songs

歌曲:只对你说
歌手:林俊杰

站在寂寞的舞台上
灯光下拖着自己的影子
音乐重复我们共同的忧伤
不是每一次的演唱
就可以淡忘明天没有你
in my heart we’ll never be apart
残留手上的香味提醒我
在数位相机里留下的承诺
每一封简讯传出的思念
都对你说
(我爱你)means i love you
代表着我离不开你
每分每秒每一个声音
只有你撒娇会让我微笑
(我爱你)只对你说
i will love you and forevermore
我答应 baby you will see
每一个我都属于你
oh baby i will love you because
我都属于你

Tags:

林俊杰 - 曹操

January 30th, 2007 | No Comments | Posted in Chinese Songs

歌曲:曹操
歌手:林俊杰

不是英雄不读三国
若是英雄怎么能不懂寂寞
独自走下长板坡,月光太温柔
曹操不罗嗦,一心要那荆州
用阴谋 阳谋 明说 暗夺,淡薄
东汉末年分三国,烽火连天不休
儿女情长没法执着,有谁来煮酒
尔虞我诈是三国,说不清对与错
纷纷扰扰千百年以后,一切又从头
独自走下长板坡,月光太温柔
曹操不罗嗦,一心要那荆州
用阴谋 阳谋 明说 暗夺,淡薄
东汉末年分三国,烽火连天不休
儿女情长,被乱世左右,有谁来煮酒
尔虞我诈是三国,说不清对与错
纷纷扰扰千百年以后,一切又从头
哦~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
独自走下长板坡,月光太温柔
曹操不罗嗦,一心要那荆州
用阴谋 阳谋 明说 暗夺,淡薄
东汉末年分三国,烽火连天不休
儿女情长,被乱世左右,有谁来煮酒
尔虞我诈是三国,说不清对与错
纷纷扰扰千百年以后,一切又从头
哦~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
呐~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tags:

Cash reward for cops who arrest anyone trying to bribe them

January 24th, 2007 | 2 Comments | Posted in Chronicles


KUALA LUMPUR: A cash reward of up to RM100 and a letter of commendation will be given to police personnel who arrest anyone who attempts to bribe them.

Acting Inspector-General of Police Datuk Musa Hassan said the reward would be for Traffic, Criminal Investigations Department and Narcotics Department police personnel. He added that the reward was to spur policemen to uphold the integrity of the force. “The reward offer is also to let our men know that we appreciate them for their honesty and loyalty. “We also hope to inculcate in our men that accepting bribes is a very serious offence and does not pay,” he added. In Kuantan, Pahang police chief Datuk Ramli Yusuff said the cash reward would be double the bribe offered and up to a maximum of RM100. Ramli told Bernama that the reward would be paid after the person who offered the bribe had been charged and the case concluded in the courts. “I will personally hand
over the reward to the police personnel concerned,” he said, adding that the incentive would be paid from the Pahang Police Fund.

Earlier, at the monthly parade held at state police headquarters, Ramli said > L/Kpl Bakri Pandak Ahmad of the Kuantan traffic police was rewarded with RM100 last month for arresting a man who had offered him a RM50 bribe.

Well well it seems that a mere RM30 or RM50 won’t get you off the hook next time you are stopped by the police. But considering that their reward is a mere RM100 max, those who still want to try could try giving an amount higher than the reward, and no, I’m not encouraging people to bribe the police or encouraging the police to accept bribes, instead I’m just pointing out the loophole that exists in this reward scheme, considering that whatever amount is ‘offered’ will still most definitely be less than the amount needed to pay for the summon, and the reward is an amount in between, things could still happen. A good effort from the force in enforcing the law and inculcating honesty in it’s people, keep it up and we might actually be able to stem some of the corruption in the country. Three cheers for honesty!!

Home Site redesign

January 19th, 2007 | No Comments | Posted in Chronicles

Ah it has reached that time to redesign my homesite again (http://seraphstudios.net), it has been a week of deep thinking on how should I approach this matter. Should I build it from scratch or should I adopt one of those ‘Super Powered’ CMS (Content Management Systems) instead. Considering that building it from scratch does bring more satisfaction and sense of achievement when it’s completed but it entails doing something that’s already been done, sort of like reinventing the wheel.

After looking at development books, I find that building the site from scratch would really be reinventing the wheel, as it would be like developing a CMS from scratch, instead of doing that wouldn’t it be better to incorporate one of those ready made and highly customizable CMS? So I started looking around for likely candidates for the job. The lucky candidates that caught my attention were Joomla!, Drupal, Seditio, ModX.

Next was evaluation of the candidates: First up we have Joomla!. Been using Joomla! for sometime now, it’s a bit confusing at first but once you get used to it and understand what does what, it’s actually quite user friendly, probably the most userfriendly out of the lot of candidates a picked. However, it was lacking in some departments, the templating system is not that flexible as the phpTemplate system used in other CMSs, now I know people will say get a module or plugin or something for that functionality, but I’m looking at the very core functions of the CMS, things it can do right of the bat, not depending on addons and stuff. Well templating aside, Joomla! still lacks in one major area, categorizing of content, it only allows two levels, Section and Category. For most sites that would be more than sufficient, but it does not quite suit my needs, perhaps the next iteration of Joomla! which is supposed to support infinite levels of categorization would suit me better, but for now, sorry Joomla! you are out of the list.

Next on the list is Seditio, somewhat unheard of until I browsed to artworld’s website which uses it, since I thought their website looked cool, I’d check out the CMS they are using for it. Seditio is great that it supports forums in it’s core functions, but somehow it does not click with me, I guess it’s just the way it output things that does not suit me. It’s a great CMS, look at what artworld did with it, but sorry, I’ll have to pass you up.

We have ModX next in line, reading the features on it’s website sounded promising, what with AJAX support and stuff, but after installing it and going in to the admin and trying to figure things out, it was a big no no, totally confusing, I guess it’s true when I read people’s comments that ModX is difficult to set up, I’m sure it’s a good CMS, but unfortunately I lack the patience to read through all the documentations just to find out how to operate it, CMSs should be used to simplify our work of maintaining websites, just like any tool, you should be able to just pick it up and use it without reading the instructions (like anyone reads instructions). Well maybe I’ll try it out when it’s more user friendly in the future, but for now, you’re out of the list.

Finally we have Drupal, highly popular and highly recommended, I thought I’d try it out, initially it is very confusing to set up the categories, this owes it all to the terms Drupal developers chose to use, taxonomy, terms, vocabulary, those who hate dictionaries will probably spin at looking at this, there’s definitely a learning curve to understanding the terms, but other than that, everything else is pretty straight forward, creating new menus was easy, making them visible, hidden etc. was straightforward as well, next was the templating, nice, phpTemplate, I’m no expert with the system yet, but I see good promise from it, and am willing to give it a shot, what with Drupal 5 just being released, looks like I’ve found my lucky winner for my website, but who knows, it might not work out in the end and I’ll be back to just doing it from scratch. We’ll see how it goes, be sure to check back at my homesite SeraphStudios for my new and hopefully improved website. Till then.

“Fast” track of the new year.

January 13th, 2007 | No Comments | Posted in Chronicles

Whoopie! It’s a brand new year, new resolutions, new objectives, new views in life, and hopefully new cables for the Taiwan earthquake, which rendered the fast track for many people limp. For the past few weeks, Internet speed was at a snails pace, not exactly a good start for a new year eh. Well the good news is that I’ve seen improvements in speed, and it’s somewhat getting back to ‘normal’ speed which was quite a disappointment to begin with. I bet TM is really enjoying the moment, where they can blame all slow connection complaints on the earthquake and get away with it. Earthquake or no, TM better beef up their service if we’re ever going to reach Vision 2020, which somewhat died down in recent years. Haha, so much for the initial hype. Ah well, here’s wishing all my readers a belated Happy New Year!