Seraph Chronicles

What’s for supper?

A hunter kills a deer and brings it home.

He decides to clean and serve the deer meat for supper.
He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won’t eat it
if they know what it is so he doesn’t tell them.

His little boy, Jimmy, keeps asking him, “What’s for supper, dad?”
“You’ll see” he replies.

They start eating supper and his daughter keeps asking him what they are
eating.
“Ok”, says her dad, “Here’s a hint. It’s what your mother sometimes calls
me.”

His daughter screams……… “Don’t eat it Jimmy! It’s an asshole!”

Funny ‘Commercials’

A friend of mine sent me two of the most funniest and sarcastic ‘commercials’ parody I’ve watched to date, these ‘commercials’ involve well known products such as the Nintendo Wii, and Microsoft Surface. Watch and be prepared to laugh out loud:

The Nintendo Wii Fit was never this much fun!

Learn more about the most expensive coffee table you might ever buy

If I had 1 Million (Na si wa wu ji pa ban)

What would you do if you had 1 million dollars? No idea? Watch the video, you might get some ideas.

James VS. Bangla

Here’s an interesting audio clip, hilarious but a bit on the rough side, don’t listen to this if you’re under aged

[audio:http://chronicles.seraphstudios.net/media/audio/James vs Bangla.mp3]

Charged for raping

A couple went fishing at a lake in their boat…
The husband likes fishing…
whilst the wife preferred reading.
After fishing for a few hours the husband decided to take a nap
and so he put his fishing gear in his boat…
The wife however, just continued reading…

All of a sudden, the lake guard approached the couple’s boat and said “Good morning Madam, what might you be doing?”

“Reading!!” she answered, in her heart she thought “are you blind? Can’t you see I’m reading?”

“Well actually you’re in a no fishing zone” the guard said.

“But I’m not fishing!!, I’m just reading”

“However I see that you have the TOOLS for it… so I must bring you to the station for a summon…”

“If you bring me there… I’ll charge you of rape…” the lady bellowed.

“But I’ve never even touched you Madam…!!” the guard answered curiously.

“Yes that’s true… but You have the TOOLS for it.”

Didakwa Merogol

Sepasang suami isteri pergi memancing dgn perahumereka disebuah tasik..
Si suami lebih suka memancing…
manakala si isteri pula lebih suka membaca saja.
Ketika sudah memancing beberapa jam si suami memutuskan untuk tidur
sejenak dan meletakkan alat pancingnya didalam perahunya.. Si isteri
pula terus
dengan tabiat membacanya..

Tiba-tiba datang seorang penjaga tasik dgn botnya dan menghampiri perahu
pasangan tersebut dan berkata “Selamat pagi Puan.. apa yg sedang Anda
lakukan??”

“Membaca !!” Jawab wanita itu.. dalam hatinya berkata..”buta ke tak
nampak aku membaca..”

“Sebenarnya Anda berada di kawasan yg
dilarangmemancing” kata penjaga tasik

“Tapi saya tidak memancing..!!! Saya hanya membaca”

“Tapi saya nampak Anda memiliki PERALATAN untuk itu…jadi saya mesti
membawa Anda ke pejabat kami untuk di denda…”

“Kalau Anda membawa saya ke sana.. saya akan mendakwa anda

melakukan jenayah rogol…” tengking wanita itu

” Tapi saya tidak menyentuh Puan… !!” balas penjaga tasik kehairanan

“Ya… itu betul.. tapi Anda ada PERALATAN utk itu.”

Interesting Descriptions

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you
can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and
a woman gains her masters.

Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by
feminine waterpower.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the
Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds
of either"

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody
believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and
everybody disagrees later on.

Father: A banker provided by nature.

Criminal: A guy no different from the rest….except that he got caught.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your
Confidence after.

Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide
that nothing can be done together.

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of
when dead

Clients, clients, clients…

Ok everyone deals with clients, and there are many types of clients, you have the typical client, understanding client, dumb client, lame client, and obnoxious client, well there’s probably more but we’ll leave it at that for now.

The typical client is - somewhat annoying, can be understanding if properly explained to, demanding, might act like he knows more than you about your own job, fussy and often times tries to be a smart-ass.

The understanding client is - most of the above, but is more willing to listen to reason and explanations and actually accepting them, and gives you less of a hard time.

The dumb client is - dumb, does not know what he wants (believe me this is not always good), willing to listen, and will typically make you run in circles trying out everything since they do not know what they want exactly to begin with, a slight pain in the neck and tedious.

The lame client is - similar to the dumb client but less willing to listen, might know a bit about what he actually wants, often times trying to be smart and gives lame requirements and ideas which will be argued with you till either party gives in, resulting in either a better result or totally lame ass result (hey we can do so much with explanations and advice)

The obnoxious client is - always trying to be a smart ass, thinks they know better about your work than you do, asks for ridiculous things that either can’t be done or is totally unsuitable and still insists that it gets done even after you have explained to them a million times. Thinks they are always right because they are the clients, unwilling to listen and is out to get their way even if it means jumping off The Petronas Twin Towers. The obnoxious client will more often end up with lame, dumb and sucky results which actually serves them right for their obnoxity.

The deadbeat client is - is dumb enough to think that your work should be cheap because the computer does all the work, obviously they think the computer is alive or something. Simply refuses to pay at all at when the job is delivered or complains and insists on a discount because your work supposedly does not meet their standards or requirements.

Now let’s see how many people agrees with me, or perhaps you all have more to add on? I would be happy to add on to the list. If you’re wondering how I thought this up, well a request today was the inspiration for this post, should I be thankful? Haha, I think not, as it took an hour just to amend the job that would be totally unnecessary if the client had prepared the needed materials and does not have a mind as volatile as an unstable isotope. Anyway I rest my case here, you may feel the same way, or treat is a joke, that’s up to you, and no offense to all the clients out there, it’s just a personal interpretation. Peace

Malaysia vs Singapore - Why Malaysia fails miserably?

Singapore Cabinet	Malaysia Cabinet
PM Lee Hsien Loong Cambridge University - First Class Honours (1974) Harvard University - Masters 1980)	PM Abdullah bin Haji Ahmad Badawi University of Malaya - Bachelor of Arts Honours (1964)
SM Goh Chok Tong University of Singapore - First Class Honours (1964) Williams College , USA - Masters (1967)	Deputy PM Dato’ Sri Najib Razak University of Nottingham - Bachelor of Arts Honours (1974)
MM Lee Kuan Yew Cambridge University - First Class Honours (1949)	Minister of Foregn Affairs Syed Hamid Albar (can someone tell me his univeristy? )- Bachelor of Arts [ UITM ]
Minister for Law Prof. S Jayakumar University of Singapore - Bachelor of Law Honours (1963) Yale Univerity - Masters (1966)	Ministry of Works- Dato’ Seri Samy Vellu (Education Unknown) [ Form 6, Anderson School ]
Minister for Home Affairs Wong Kan Seng University of Singapore - Bachelor of Arts Business Admin (1977) London Business School - Masters (1979)	Ministry of International Trade Industry Rafidah binti Aziz Universiti Malaya - Bachelor of Arts Honours
Minister for Foreign Affairs BG George Yeo Cambridge University - Double First Class Honours (1976) Harvard Business School - MBA w/ Distinction (1985)	Minister of Agriculture Muhyiddin Yassin (Education Unknown) [ Polytechnic Ungku Omar ]
Minister for Trade and Industry Lim Hng Kiang Cambridge University - First Class Honours w/Distinction (1976) Harvard University - Masters (1986)	Ministry of Domestic Trade Shafie Apdal (Education Unknown) [ Form 5, Failed English ]
Minister for Defence Teo Chee Hean University of Manchester - First Class Honours (1976) Imperial College, London - Masters w/ Distinction (1977)	Minister of Education Hishammuddin Hussein (Education Unknown) [ Bachelor of Arts, Social Science ]
Minister for Education Tharman Shanmugaratnam London School of Economics - Bachelor of Arts Cambridge University - Masters Harvard University - Masters	Minister of Home Affairs Radzi bin Sheikh Ahmad (Education Unknown) [ Kolej Islam Malaysia , Diploma  ]

Santa Singh

Got these jokes from a colleague, hope you enjoy a good laugh, and hopefully it can help you de-stress a bit. Happy laughing!

Santa Singh was traveling in a crowded bus. He was carrying the Passport size photograph of his son (for college admission). Accidentally, the photograph fell down from his pocket. He started searching for it frantically & found the same on the floor of the bus. Politely, he asked the saree clad female, standing in front of him,
“Can you lift that saree? I wanna take a photograph”.
The rest is history. He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted in a hospital. He was surprised to see Banta Singh on the bed next to him, in a still worse condition. Banta started to explain his “Adventure”.
He had gone to a remote village on some work & due to his high level of intelligence, couldn’t finish the work on time. He had missed the last bus from that place. He couldn’t find any hotel. So he approached a nearby house and asked the Owner whether he can stay there for the night.
The Owner replied “I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry, I can’t allow you to stay”. He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night.
The Owner replied, “I have 3 grown up daughters. Sorry, I can’t allow you to stay”.
In sheer desperation, Banta walked to the next house. Not wanting to take any chances, decided to use some smartness (???). With a lot of confidence he knocks on the door and asks,”
Do you have “grown up” daughters?”.
The Owner asked, “WHY?????????”
Banta replied,” I wanted to stay here for a night…..”
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